Last week, I wrote about how finding satisfaction in our work requires alignment between the head and the heart regarding the type of work that we do. This week, I want to share a process for how to identify what the head and the heart want in the first place.

What Were You Good at When You Were 8?

In order to receive high compensation for our work, the work needs to be valuable to others and we need to be excellent at it. We usually become excellent at whatever we spend a lot of time doing. We naturally tend to spend a lot of time doing things we like. We also tend to spend time doing things for which we receive positive reinforcement. Our true likes and desires often reveal themselves at a young age, and things that we are praised for when we are young often develop into exceptional skills.

What do I mean by “exceptional” skills? Here are a few examples:

·         Being very organized, by arranging toys or other things in the house

·         Storytelling and narratives

·         Organizing activities or bringing people together for activities

·         Deep curiosity about a particular topic

·         Building physical things (not just Legos)

·         Ability to have “adult” conversations, or being a good listener

·         A love for performance or the stage

·         Humor and helping people laugh

·         Creation of art, music, written work, or software

·         Empathy and the ability to understand people

·         Skill in sports and other movement practices, often without formal training

·         Strong memory or exceptional attention to detail

·         Taking care of others, sometimes in a parental way

·         Executive function or the ability to solve unstructured problems

·         Reacting to unexpected events in a calm and measured way

Famous people often demonstrate their talents at a young age. For example, Warren Buffett was reading corporate financial statements when he was ten years old. Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg started writing software at a similarly young age. My college roommate was organizing resume workshops for high school students when he was 17.

All of us have strengths like these, but we may not be fully aware of what they are. Understanding the implications of those innate desires and early strengths is not straightforward. Any of the following could be true:

·         People might be good at something that they take for granted—in other words, they assume everyone else is good at it too and their ability is much rarer than they realize

·         People may be fully aware that they like something, or are good at something, and don’t know how that quality can be connected to their work

·         People may be fully aware that they like something, or are good at something, but haven’t actively trained that aptitude

·         People may have completely forgotten about those early childhood strengths and interests

Whatever the case may be, if you find yourself at a career crossroads I want you to work through the following exercise.

The Lookback Exercise

Go through each age category in your life, and write down what your exceptional interests or abilities were at that age. Here are some questions that can help you reflect:

·         What were your hidden talents, all the way back to age 8?

·         What came naturally to you that was hard for others?

·         What were you praised for, from parents, teachers or others?

·         What did you lose yourself in for hours?

·         How did you play? Did you enjoy creative, logical, social, or physical activities?

·         What were you the go-to person for among your friends or family?

·         What did you create or build without being told to? Did you draw, build physical objects, or tell stories or jokes?

·         What were you proud of?

·         What were you fascinated by?

·         What hobbies did you give up, that you regret giving up?

Age	Standout Qualities
8-12
13-15
16-18
19-22
20s
30s
40s
50s
60s
70s

I won’t go through the whole table for myself in this post, but I’ll share a few items from my life:

1)      When I was 10 or 12, I remember organizing a football game for friends from the old neighborhood at our new house—picking a date, calling everyone to figure out if they could make it, and asking my parents to set up food and drink for 10+ boys

2)      When I was 16, I gave a speech for class that had a ~50 person audience. The teacher gave us a standing ovation and I remember my parents telling me later, “we had no idea this kid could do this”

3)      When I was in college, my roommate told me that I had a gift for asking questions

Application

Look for ways in which these skills can be applied in a non-obvious way. Just because you liked to make people laugh doesn’t mean you need to be a stand-up comic. Humor is a powerful skill that can be applied in a huge range of situations. Maybe you just need to put in some effort to sharpen that natural talent into something more refined and powerful.

In my case, if I’m good at organizing the efforts of others, good at public speaking, and good at asking questions, how do these skills translate to work? Well, they could translate to a huge range of careers. They are definitely useful skills for an entrepreneur—organizational management, pitching, and customer discovery. They’re also useful skills for a professor to have, or a lawyer, or an investment banker.

Once you spend some time reflecting on what these things are for you, let your brain run wild and see what it comes up with. You might be surprised at the results.

Exercise

This is a personal exercise. Take 30 minutes one morning to work on it, either with pen and paper or during a leisurely walk in nature.

1)      Reflection

Print out the table and the question prompts from above. Spend some time on each age bracket and allow yourself to reflect on each question.

What comes up that’s obvious?

What memories come up that you had forgotten about?

2)      Noticing emotions

As you go through the exercise, what emotions do you notice?

Sadness, at having allowed a part of yourself to wither?

Anger, that you didn’t pursue a path?

Fear, that reconnecting with and truly owning your gifts requires you to take a step that you are afraid of?

3)      Pattern recognition and brainstorming

Now that you have reflected on your memories and explored some of the emotions associated with them, allow your mind to run free.

To what extent are you currently using your gifts?

What could you potentially do with the gifts that you have?

To free yourself further, imagine the person is not you. Looking at these gifts, if it was another person, what could that person do with this set of aptitudes and strengths?

Return to yourself. Are you making the highest and best use of the skills you have been given? What can you contribute to the world that you aren’t contributing right now?