I’m a finance professor at the University of Texas at Austin. UT has become much more competitive than I remember it being when I was a student—the majority of students are in the top 6% of their high school graduating classes, and in the business school, the number is more like the top 3%. The students are talented and have excelled at everything they’ve done up to this point.

No longer.

My biggest surprise in teaching at the undergraduate level is the amount of pressure the students put on themselves. It’s not coming from their parents and certainly isn’t coming from the school. It’s self-inflicted, and rooted in something deeper—fear.

For some, the pressure manifests in beating themselves up for not getting an A or otherwise performing up to their standard. For others—which is the subject of today’s note—it manifests as taking themselves out of the game completely, and not even giving themselves a chance to screw up.

A couple of my students told me openly that they haven’t done any of the reading, barely pay attention to the homework, and haven’t watched any of my study videos. One student has an extremely high GPA and told me he can’t get past the procrastination of even opening the book.

What’s stopping them from trying?

The Fear of Rising

My students have been big fishes in small ponds their entire (short thus far) careers. Being successful in a small pond (high school) gets you promoted into a larger pond (college). That process continues for your entire life, as you find yourself in successively larger ponds.

The problem is that many of us have built our senses of self-worth on our successes in smaller ponds. But with each transition into a bigger pond, the stakes get higher—the work is harder, the competition tougher, and other fish are just as big as we are.

When our ego is fragile, eventually we may get to a point where we no longer want to move into a larger pond, even though in theory we may be fully capable of thriving there. Even the prospect of moving into an environment with larger challenges is scary—a form of fear of failure. We’re afraid that when we move into a more demanding arena, we won’t be good enough, which knocks out our sense of self-worth, and would make us bad people. In a way, we become victims of our own success, our self-doubts magnified by every jump into a bigger pond as everything that started out easy becomes hard.

The prospect of having that single pillar of self-esteem knocked out from underneath us causes us to avoid, or even freeze completely. This form of fear of failure leads to paralysis, where we won’t even put in the effort to try. This is the procrastination that some of my students have been facing—"if I put in all the effort, and I still fail, what does that say about me?” Or, “What if I’m not as good as they think I am?”

What Happens When I Admit I Might Not Be Good Enough?

For me, admitting that I might not be good enough is liberating.

When I am able to admit to myself that I really might not be good enough for the pond I’m in, or about to jump into, that fast-forwards all the emotions that I’ve been avoiding. The embarrassment I’ll feel when others see me as a fraud. The anger that whatever I’m doing just isn’t working. The pain I’ll feel when it’s proven that I’m not smart, not talented, not capable, which in turn means that I’m a worthless person.

In my experience, emotions tend to burn themselves out if we let ourselves feel them fully. That’s why talking about whatever is going on for us often makes us feel better—in the process of talking, we feel whatever is troubling us, and it loses some of its hold over us. In the context of admitting that I may not be good enough, I feel all the stuff I’m afraid I’m going to feel when I fail, and then all that stuff… just loses power.

But this isn’t just a mental trick. Accepting that we might not be good enough is what frees us to start improving in the first place. First, embracing the fear builds courage and resolve over time, as we learn how to take action without being consumed by the fear of imperfection or failure. Second, action itself begets success, as nobody was good enough to do something really hard on the first try! The best of us practice, and practice is an action. Humans can’t not get better at things with practice. “Not being good enough” and “not being good enough right now” are two entirely different things.

So even if you aren’t good enough right now, what can you do to accept that and start changing it?

Exercise

Journal on the following or discuss with a friend.

1)      Noticing

In what areas of my life do I have the opportunity to jump into a bigger pond, that I haven’t taken yet?

When I consider the possibility of moving into a more demanding arena, what emotions come up?

2)      Acceptance

What will happen to me if I step into the arena and fail? What if I’m not good enough? What will that say about me?

Can I imagine the scenario of failing? What emotions will I feel then? Can I imagine the scenario is true, and verbalize or write down those feelings now?

As you write or speak out loud, let yourself feel the pain and discomfort fully. This isn’t about avoiding the pain of failure, but rather confronting it directly.

(This part of the exercise will really be better if you write it down or talk to an actual person. Just thinking about the scenario won’t be enough to feel the painful emotions.)

3)      Action

What does a step towards the bigger pond look like?

If I’m not good enough right now, what can I do to start moving towards getting better today?

The step can and probably should be small! We are looking for steady, consistent effort.